MELANIN MADAM: ECHELLE

Growing up I always remembered being a social butterfly. I enjoyed meeting new people and making new friends. I loved to sing and dance. performing in front of an audience was never a fear of mine. I guess you can say I liked being the center of attention. I was the confident kid in school that believed she could do everything, even if I failed at first chance. I remember I always wanted to be popular for a good cause. i wanted to make everyone feel great. And in school, I wanted to make kids feel "cool". It may have been a reach, but it was a goal I was determined to achieve. I was a special shinning star. But everything changed, and my light became dim when i entered a new chapter in my life...

As a 11 year old, entering middle school was so exciting. It was considered the "Big school". I got to have a choice in my wardrobe and my hairstyles. I ditched the plates and barrettes for silk press and cute side ponytails. I went from long denim skirts, to finally wearing mini skirts. With of course leggings underneath them. My mama didn't play. I felt like a big kid.

The first couple of weeks pass, and I was really loving middle school. But most of all, I remembered i loved my 3rd period English class. Not only was it my favorite subject, my class seemed to have all the funny "cool" kids. My seat was assigned next to the most popular one of them all. I remembered him being very good looking. The girls loved him and the boys wanted to be him.

One day i remembered i entered class and the popular boy began to laugh. Soon after, a couple of other kids did the same. I didn't know why, I just proceeded to walk to my seat. "Why you so black?" ... "your skin looks burnt". I hear right next to me as the laughter grows from the other kids. "You look like king kong". My heart sunk to the ground. I couldn't believe the words that i was hearing. But because he was known as the "funny guy", i just continued to laugh like everyone else. Days later, j was still considered a joke in my class. Instead of him laughing and calling me "king kong", i was now " Queen kong".

I was so embarrassed. i had never felt that way in my life. Finally weeks went by and i was no longer the target. I wish that was a relief. I was still considered ugly because the complexion of my skin was dark...

I no longer raised my hand in class when I knew the answer. i didn't have the desire to socialize or even wear my pretty flashy accessories. I didn't want to draw any attention to myself because I feared the jokes were going to start again. I hated looking in the mirror. I felt like I could see the unattractiveness they saw. I hated that the one thing those kids thought was ugly about me was my dark skin. I had no power at 11 years old to change that. i remember many nights I would debate if I wanted to pour Clorox in my bath to possible get lighter. I remember wishing and fantasying I was the light skin girls that were pictured on my hair care products. The mighty confidence I once had was shriveled up like a raisin. I was broken and slowly suffocating in this skin of mines. The hate i grew for myself was disturbing...

But After a long while of forgiveness, prayer, and understanding, I came to realization that I cant run from my skin. It is what it is and I am who I am. there's no escaping that. My mother, who's skin tone is very much so similar to mines, is so beautiful to me. I admire the God gifted complexion she was blessed with. So i questioned, if i could find her to be so beautiful and confident, why not think the same about myself? so i learned to motivate and build my self esteem up. I started to listen closely and really believe when my mother or anyone else would say i was beautiful. i forced myself to stare in the mirror until the ugliness i "thought" was there, disappeared. I prayed day in and day out so God could help ease the negativity i had inside of myself. It was a process but well worth it in the end...

So fast forward years later, my confidence is higher than ever. Its no where near where i would like it to be, but its there! I love who i am and what i look like. I plan to spend my life encouraging and uplifting girls/women all over the world. I want to help them realize the beauty they posses inside and out. And i hope i started that journey with this MELANIN MADAM series...

Thank you for reading about me. I hope this touches someone...

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